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I have experienced some really bad head in my time. There was the guy who took off my pants and then without any warm-up or moisturizing the area put two fingers inside me with his long and dirty nails. There was the guy who was convinced that my clitoris was just above my left thigh and despite my direction kept rubbing that area. There was the guy whose ex-girlfriend loved a certain maneuver with rough pressure on her clitoris, and even after our third hookup couldn't understand why it wasn’t working for me. Licking pussy is an art that involves both skill and communication. I have some advice that can help you up your pussy licking game!

Start slow! Foreplay is so important because it highly impacts the way sensations feel. For example, if someone goes to eat my pussy and I’m not warmed up yet, the stimulation can feel uncomfortable and like it’s a bit too much. However, if I’m aroused that same stimulation would feel amazing. I would suggest thinking of the clitoris as a treat that you only get to play with once you’ve put some time teasing and exciting it.

The tease can look like slowly licking and touching your partner, getting closer and closer to their pussy until their whole body is begging for it. It can also involve deep kissing and rubbing against each other. It can involve dirty talk. It can involve stimulating your partner with their underwear on before you slowly take it off. If this is not a quickie situation, I would suggest waiting at least ten minutes before you directly stimulate the clitoris.

Put your face into it! There is no better feeling than the sensation of being fully aroused and then having someone put their whole face into your pussy. The vulva has nerve endings down both sides of it and the more sensation you put against our whole pussy the better it feels. I would be gentle about it, but getting your nose and mouth and cheeks involved can feel amazing. Cardi B was on point when she sang “swipe your nose like a credit card” during her song, Wet Ass Pussy.

It’s also really sexy to think about how someone is so into you that they want to get as close to you as possible. While you are putting your face into it, you can use your senses to describe the sensations that you are experiencing. For example, how do they smell, taste, feel, look? A compliment is always arousing!

Communication! Keep an open line of communication before, during, and after lickin’ dat pussy! Pre-head, you can express how much you want to make them feel good and even ask if they have any specific desires as it relates to oral sex. During-head you can ask how it feels. Would they like it harder or softer? Is one finger better inside or two? Is the amount of pressure you are using too much or just right? Post-head, you can discuss how it felt. Was there a particularly sexy moment? Especially if you are planning on being with this person again it’s helpful to know their experience of the encounter.

Communicating doesn't have to be unsexy. You can ask these questions in an arousing way. “Does baby want another finger inside her or is she squirming enough already” “You can’t cum without my permission, but I do want to get you right to the edge. Should I keep licking you like this to make that happen?” “God, you’re so wet. How can I make you get even wetter?” Communicating during sex can feel weird for those that aren’t used to it, but once it becomes part of your routine it can make a sexual encounter particularly satisfying!

Play with different types of sensation. There are so many ways that you can stimulate a clitoris. Once you have an open dialogue going try circling your tongue around the clitoris. Ask your partner how it feels. Then try flicking your tongue against the clitoris. Try sucking the clitoris. Try moving your tongue in a figure-8 motion around the clitoris. It may take playing around with different pressure and tempos to figure out what works for your partner. The internal clitoris can be stimulated from inside the vaginal hole so for many putting a finger inside them while you lick their pussy can feel amazing. Perhaps even rubbing the area around the anus, which has a lot of nerve endings, in conjunction with putting a finger inside them and licking their pussy can be the perfect trifecta.

Use a sex Toy. There is an outdated belief that using sex toys on a woman somehow indicates that you are less of a man because you are calling in reinforcements. But what is implied when you use a sex toy is that your oh-so-powerful penis doesn’t have five function vibrations. Sex toys can be an awesome addition to oral sex and can make the sensations feel more powerful for the woman. Isn't that what men should want to facilitate?

For example, it’s really hard for one person to get the trifecta of oral, anal, and vaginal stimulation at the same time. But if you put in a butt plug, or anal beads while you go down on a woman, that will help increase sensation. You can forget about them until she is about to orgasm, and then pull out the beads. Similarly, you can put a dildo inside your partner while you gently lick their pussy, or use a vibrator on their clit while you finger them. Adding sex toys into the mix can be a powerful way to create more pleasure and can give you more types of stimulation to explore!

It is so easy to get into oral sex routines and not play around with new types of stimulation. If you try these tips and become comfortable communicating with your partners about what sensation feels the best, you will drive them wild. After an oral sex orgasm, penetration feels insane for most ladies, so beyond feeling satisfied that you pleasured your partner, you too will reap the benefits of giving your partner pleasure when she thanks you later.